Starting over

Back in October I started this blog, writing very detailed daily accounts of our struggles and interactions with my son who is bipolar. They were long entries, full of anguish that included our collusive and explosive interactions. In November, we moved my son over to my in-laws, for the second time. The first time he was there for 8 months. After being home for 2 months we realized it was in everyone's best interest to have him move back. I have deleted those posts, even though there were only a few close friends following. I'm willing to share my struggles, but feel better about doing so in a not so public forum. Even though dealing with his struggles is my personal life, it is also his and if I put myself in his shoes I know that I would not want those very personal struggles available for just anyone to read. I wanted to blog in order to have people understand the constant, daily turmoil, and needed an outlet for my own hurt. The me that is a broken-hearted mother wanted to feel validated and comforted by others knowing how hard I was working at this and how disappointing it was day to day. However my conscience does not want his private struggles on display, feeling that it is too invasive. Caring for someone with mental illness is heart-wrenching, frustrating, even devastating at times. My heart aches that he does not live with me, even though daily life is easier and even though I know it is the right thing for all of us, even him. He is my son and I love him and we are still working on all of this. So... I'm starting this over and hope to share some other things that I think are worthwhile and will be a quick read and easy to follow.