Also from The Parent Project, Changing Destructive Adolescent Behavior, hereafter known as CDAB.
Both manuals address that, "Simply loving children is not enough. Parents' love for their children must be expressed." With small children this is so much easier. As children get older and start talking back and being disrespectful and we start feeling angry with them, expressing that love regularly and genuinely gets tough.
CDAB~ It is essential for children to know they're loved today for who they are, and not what they might become. Children are "now" centered. (so very!) They seldom think of the future and do not usually hold on to the parental messages from one day to the next.
Yesterday I had a particularly tough day with one of my older kids. This child's remarks to me were very hurtful. I had to take a break. Frankly, my child needed a break from me too. After a break for us both I went back and told this child that those remarks hurt my feelings because I love him/her so much! I was heard with sincerity at an appropriate moment. It made a difference.
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